Garry’s Mod

Standard

Ah, Garry’s Mod.

A game where you need every Valve game ever made to be installed and mounted or the game screeches at you and throws plaid in your face when you load a map. Let’s get serious for a bit, though. You will rack up the gigabytes in your addons folder extremely quick. Last time I checked, mine was at 22.4 GB. There are a few things about the community that bother me as well. The workshop contains a large number of these. For God’s sake, people, I don’t WANT to see your 12,000 player-models of Copper Frederick. LET’S MAKE 5 BILLION ADDONS OF THE SAME THING. AND ALSO DUPES WHICH ARE COMPLETELY POINTLESS. AND GAMEMODES. AND MAPS AND EMBROIDERED QUILTS. What’s that, you say? Original content? Huh? What? Huh? What is that? SOUNDS STUPID.

*ahem*
Another thing that annoys me:
“Horror” maps.
No. These are usually not scary. At all. OH GOD. NOT A .PNG MOVING TOWARDS ME. SWEET MOTHER OF GOD NO. I AM SO “SCARED”. THE STARTLE IS SO MUCH. JIMMIES HAVE BEEN RUSTLED. NO! NOT AN IMAGE FROM A DAVID LYNCH FILM! OH NO! RUN AWAY!

eraserhead

Not kidding. A map maker actually thought THIS IMAGE was SCARY.

OH MY GOD! WHAT WAS THAT SOUND!

But it’s always the stalker scream from Half-Life 2. I’ve got an idea. Use original sounds. Or, just stop. But for every thousand turds, there is one diamond. One of these is Ghost Hunt, it’s a map. I think you can guess what it’s about.

But back to the actual game. If there was no addon support, this game would suck. The only good thing about this game comes from the community.

Let’s review gamemodes.

logo_21

DarkRP: Get banned for killing people with desks and ovens (RDM! I’M GETTING AN ADMIN), defending yourself, not doing exactly what the 5-year-old admin wants, sitting on other people’s heads, or having fun. See what small asthmatic children think the real world is like. For fuck’s sake, man, go outside. I have had fun with this mode only once without being banned, and that was by re-enacting the film Die Hard on Evocity with an army of small children. (A good youtuber that makes content dicking around in this mode is Zuthar13. Check him out!)

logo

Trouble in Terrorist Town: Lie to your friends and also strangers.  There are 3 teams (really 2 teams with one offshoot): Traitors, Innocents, and Detectives. traitor: This is your moment. Your entire life has been leading up to this moment. Gather the entire server around you. Pull out your jihad bomb and hope nobody kills you before it detonates. Of course, you’ll be dead, but hey! You won! inno: Well, you’re probably going to end up dead. Trust no one. Keep your back to the wall. Don’t be a hero. No one is your friend. Kill anyone that follows you, then get banned. Detective: Remember, everyone is guilty of something. Kill anyone that looks at you funny.

steamworkshop_webupload_previewfile_434346949_preview

Prop Hunt: Become a prop and live a normal life until strange robot men kill your wife, then hide under a bench for 5 minutes.

steamworkshop_webupload_previewfile_187073946_preview-300x161

Murder: Accuse random people of being murderers/say you’re the murderer, get killed by a bystander with an itchy trigger finger. Get said bystander banned. Repeat until you win!

GMOD Tower: Run around and buy things and play mini-games and explore and die inside.
I could not find a logo that wasn’t either too big or too small.

FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S: Filled with 5-year-olds that think FNAF is cool, and that they are as well. This is a keg of rage just waiting to be tapped. I AM NOT PUTTING ANY PICTURES OF THIS CANCER ON MY SITE. EVER.

Cinema: Watch YouTube videos while other players provide commentary. The gamemode of choice for cancer YouTubers that join a server, queue up their videos, and then pretend to be embarrassed when they start. Also the logo is pure white so why bother putting it in?

Sandbox: Snoresville without addons.

So that about sums up Garry’s Mod.

Buy it if you don’t mind obnoxious 12-year-olds in multiplayer.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s